11 Days only

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9 Days only

David Oneill We’ll was ok till came across this missing you Nicola Oneill I’ll carry all our children as I tell them all about you Lilith Ruby talks about you every day as i tell Lucifer your baby boy how much you loved him he was your little miracle and you held him everyday its only been a week so far since you were taken and it has been pure hell Lydiarose O’Neill couldnt have made it without you even though you lost your best friend and mum your running round doing most of what mum would do and helping with your brother a baby on your own id have to say is harder than id ever have thought and im glad as its helping me get through we all love and miss you a wonderful wife of 33yrs and a mum of 4 one could not be more proud off ill do my best to be like you and be here for our 4children joe lydia lilith lucifer as now without you they have becoe my life i dont think i could have made it without them we all hope your with our angels alexander Ellamae Bobby and lexx watching down on us each day till we meet again my sweet we both have 4 of our children each 3ive yet to meet goodbye for now and know i loved you from the dsy we meet with all my heart and now ill hold your love inside then pour it out into lucifer as he says his first words and takes his very first step i pray that somehow you can see your miracle take his first steps.46058283_557993717994031_5057558075347566592_o

The worst loss

Its with a sad heart i have to say this morning i lost the only love in my life for over 30yrs my wife Nicola passed away leaving me alone with our children joe 29 Lydia 24 Lilith 7 and Lucifer 3mths i really dont know what to do i feel numb my head is just blank and i dont know how to carry on her illnesses meant she had no insurance and the cuts have eaten every bit of savings over the last 7yrs the debt i had hidden from her to lessen her stress and not cause her to worry she was on a trial to help keep her bp down as the preeclampsia didnt go after our son was born and last night as i took our son to bed and tuck mum in i found her cold and blue my wife was gone i tried they tried for hours but nothing her heart just would not start ive lost her and now i fear the funeral and all the bills which she took care off all these years juggling ever so fine has gone i feel i should be crying but no tears seem to flow from my eyes i feel them but nothing i tell myself its just a dream and ill wake up in just a minute its been 19hrs since they came and took her away my baby he is none the wiser i know he misses her so but to young to know my 7yr old daughter is strong but now she wants her mum i hold her close but no not what to say she says its ok daddy she is no longer in any pain she is with Ella and lex and bobby and alexxander so we be fine we should find a new mum for Lucifer mum would have wanted that for him oh how a 7yr olds mind works i wish it was all so all i want is to hold my wife to see her smilling face my Nicola Oneill who was my true soul mate.
How am i gonna cope i was my wifes carer and now not even that and all i see is mounting debt and a funeral i shouldnt have to sort i want my Nicola just want my Nicola back as i sit all alone yping into this screen i hear my own thoughts and i hate that there is nothing there i close my eyes and i cannot see her whos always been quit clear my chest is tight i cannot eat or sleep tonight what if i loose our home and all as now shes gone so has the entire budget that she juggled ever so well will now come crashing down i thank you all such kind words you say but i just cannot see it all a fear has took this night and i feel ill loose it all the house the kids the life she made for us all i dont just miss her i ache without her and all who know us well do know i just dont work with out my Nic she gave me all i needed and the kids were the amazing bonus i just dont feel im good enough to keep them from dispair i blame myself i heard her cough as i was feeding Luc i should have gone before his feed i thought shed fell asleep oh the hell the pain as i found her cold her lips were all blue i tried but nothing i didnt want to let her go so thanks Lydia for being there and ringing to get help i just didnt want to let her go i just want her back ALL those friends who came today i know you all meant well in saying ill be strong and get through this for my children your one of the best dads around and always there to help anyone out and its time i should cal as they say were all here to help but now as i sit all alone Lucifer is due a feed bit late so i know ill get no sleep the list of names and numbers is now just a pen scribed blurr and as much as id like to talk right now i just cannot call oh now the tears do flow I will always love you always miss you Nicola Oneill you were the whole the all every part of my life and you should be here now i need you xxx

Theresa May’s Britain: homeless man jailed for “sitting on the ground”

Pride's Purge

There have been certain milestones on our decade-long descent into government cruelty, austerity madness and widespread intolerance under the Tories (and the Liberal Democrats).

Terminal cancer patients being forced to work, sick children starving or disabled people being made destitute or even dying while billionaires get handouts and tax cuts.

Well, here’s another milestone.

A homeless man has just been jailed in Somerset for the heinous crime of sitting on the ground:

Homeless man jailed for 20 weeks for sitting on the ground ‘without reasonable excuse’

Tory (and Lib Dem) Britain today.

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@ShashaSelflove 3/26/19 – See The Ghost

@ShashaSelflove

shardsAP

Have you ever demonstrated so much patience to someone that you ended up questioning yourself? You attempted to give them the time they needed, without realizing that they were taking advantage of your compassion. You listened to their misdirection and they never realized that you were allowing them the space to heal. It got to be hurtful when they didn’t value what you had given them, they simply disregarded it. How do recover from being treated like you never mattered? As hard as it is to say out loud, you have to find the strength to move on. In those moments when you have given so much, I want you to remember that you have to love yourself first – and there is nothing selfish about that.

I know what it is like to give someone space in your life that really had no place being there. You give…

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@ShashaSelflove 3/19/19 – So There

@ShashaSelflove

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Last week I went ahead and published a collection of blog entries compiled into a book.  Was it perfect? No. Was it when I wanted? I am never going to do it unless I jump in. As committed as I am to this blog, I have huge doubts if anyone feels connected to it. However, it is all about being 100% committed to the vision and doing what you must to get to goal. That means falling, that means learning and that means dealing with doubts. Thick skin, cover me now! I am only getting started, what about you?

I have had a few unexpected changes as of recent, certain situations in my life changed for the better – and some changed in such a negative manner that I had to take a breath just to process it all. Where does this all lead? I am rolling up my sleeves…

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@ShashaSelflove 3/12/19 -Switch Gears

via @ShashaSelflove 3/12/19 -Switch Gears

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